Travailing on Public Transport #2

Travailing on Public Transport #2

The Collected Harrowing Experiences of a F Passenger on Public Transport

I took a bus this evening, to get from the heart of the city to my home. I was thankful I got a seat- earlier today there were two men sitting in what seemed to be the ladies seat. I saw this woman get in and look at the men, and then look at the space above the windows where a sticker saying "Ladies seat" is usually put or painted, but there was none. And so she looked at the men again and resigned to standing. I had already done the same exercise before she got in. I even tried to see if there was a faded "Ladies seat" sign that I could perhaps trace with my finger and show the men, and tell them, "Please Sir, but I must sit."

As the bus began to fill up and people began to jostle me, my mind went to the last time I was doing the same trip- from the heart of the city to my home- and I wondered what I would do if the same thing happened again. Make a scene? I guess if it happened to me I would. If it happened to the person sitting close to me, like last time? Then I guess I probably won't. I mean.. its her issue. If she doesn’t want to make a scene, then I shouldn't do it for her.

A few weeks back I was sitting in the last seat on the left side of the bus, that is reserved for women. Its just before the middle door of the bus.

A whole bunch of men were foot-boarding. Their feet were on the door marked above, and a lot of their hands were grasping the window ledge of my seat. A Muslim lady was sitting next to me, by the window and I had the aisle seat. She wore a red jacket, complete with head scarf and full sleeves. One of the men who was foot boarding, had his face nearly in ours. I think he was a little drunk. He was talking loudly, shouting, obviously very excited at the prospect of breaking his skull. He addressed us and said, "Should I leave my hands?! Should I?" I looked at him and considered speaking to him, and then I did. "Aap gir saktha hai," I said. What an idiot, what a blooming idiot. Why would I say such a thing to him? Does he not know that? Doesn't everyone know that? Why would I give the impression that I really care?! Like "care" about him. But for that moment, I thought I had transgressed some class divide and broken some stereotype about grinning roadside-romeos and I sat happy. "Stupid idiots," said the lady sitting next to me. She was right- he began to ask me the same question over and over, "Should I leave my hands?" Then I ignored him.

A few stops down the road, he hopped off. He pinched her and disappeared. "Eyyy," she exclaimed and then said "Stupid idiot fool!" She shut the window. #WinningIdea.

She got off soon enough and another guy who was foot boarding slid the window open from the outside and then wedged his fingers in to open it further. I shut it definitively. For a moment I worried I had jammed his fingers.

Muslim Lady 2 then took the seat that Muslim Lady 1 had vacated. This lady was fully covered, no reds and lipsticks even, unlike #1. She wore a black burka and a full headscarf. I thought she looked familiar but she didn't seem to think the same about me. She opened the window. I wondered if I should tell her to close it.

But then I'd have to explain the whole story and I may not be able to. Besides, you and I both know that shutting windows is not really a "Winning Idea." So I let it be.

When she motioned for me to move so she could leave, I realised why she looked familiar. There is a lady I cross nearly every morning when I am rushing to catch the bus. She is a sweeper in my building and I think once someone told me she also cooks and I had considered trying her out. Our lines were crossed closer than she knew.

And then I was flooded with questions- Shouldn't I have told her to close the window? She is a sweeper in my building- I kind of know her… As if it changes anything.

*************

So this evening, as I wondered what I would do if a repeat incident occurs, I suddenly stopped my thoughts and told myself, "Stop being silly, can’t think like this all the time."

Then I began to eat my packet of chips and concentrate on other more important things- This flavour used to be called "Caribbean sweet something" and now its called "West Indies sweet something." Why did they change the name? To identify with the cricket fans or what?

Someone was playing Kolaveri Di on his mobile phone (It was coming from the depths of the sweaty masses of men). I wondered what it would be like if I began to sing Kolaveri Di.. "Wouldn't everyone smile? What if everyone began to sing it.. Like a flash mob! What a Pepsi/ Coke-ad moment! "What a transgression of cultural divides." This Kolaveri Di is really such an social equaliser… Hmm.. Should I blog about this song?"

And then it happened. I noticed some rapid movement in the seat across from me.

It was the last seat on the left side of the bus, that is reserved for women.

A girl in a blue sweater was sitting in the aisle seat, where I had been sitting a few weeks back. She was speaking to the girl next to her and had her arm around her. I couldn't see the other girl's face but her head was bent down. Blue Sweater told the Conductor, "You should have closed the door. Why do you leave the door open?" I tried to figure out what was going on and then I tapped her on the shoulder. "Some guy touched her. He was holding on to the window," she said. "Is she crying?" I actioned. "Yea," she mouthed. "Same thing happened to me few weeks back," I told her.

"That's why I was telling Conductor he should keep the door shut," she told me.

*************

Earlier this evening, I was at a book store. My friend stepped out for a minute and came back in to report, "This auto guy asked me if I want a chick." Apparently the pimp asked my friend first if he wanted an auto and then if he wanted "Ladies, Drinks or Disco."

How is the stereotype Men? How is it?

How does it work for you Men? You pinch a woman's shoulder or lean into her and that gives you a kick huh? "Kissed the girls and made them cry" huh George? Foot boarding and feeling up women, is all the same thrill for you?

Would you climax if we did this?

*************

Sometimes when I'm stuck in traffic, auto guys who are ahead of me will turn back and stare. Ok, let me contextualise this. If a man looks, its ok, its nothing bad. So if we were both stuck in traffic but going in opposite directions, and our eyes met, even lingered, its ok. But when we are both facing the ass of some truck in front of his, but he inconveniences his neck to look at me, and stare, that is not ok. So I feel like I should stare back, I can do this. But I can't and he wins. Sometimes I feel like I should probably give them the finger. But he is probably the kind of guy who won't know what it means. Or if he did, he would say, "Come on baby, how is the location?"

*************

Tomorrow when you meet me, you may feel like you need to talk about this and maybe other stories of your own. But don't because I will be like, "Whatever." I mean, a man's got to do what a man's got to do.

When Blue Sweater left, she turned back and said, "Take care." So I did. I clenched my fists… and put my knees together. Then I drew my bag closer to me and adjusted my dupatta.

I have walked home on that road a thousand times. I love it in the day time- These trees are majestic. But in the night, these same familiar and awe inspiring trees, appear wizened and dangerous. I don't plug in my ear phones to play music because it doesn't seem like a good idea. Not today.

Travailing on Public Transport #1

“If you want the seat why don't you kids ask for it?” he snarled and continued sitting.

I was snubbed, and that too in front of a friend. “No Uncle, I didn’t mean that I wanted you to get up for me... I was just telling my friend here that...”

“Don't make loud comments and hope that I vacate the seat for you.”

*************

I walk on to the platform nonchalantly. Check my phone for messages. Check my diary for things I have to finish today. Balance my pen behind my ear lobe, as I dig in my canvas bag for my music player. Some guy is looking. That’s ok, harmless. Lots of people on the platform, its still day light.

Metro screams in. A queue falls into place, with the guy at the head of the line shifting slightly from left to right, trying to approximate where the carriage will open. The line behind him sways on his leading.

Enter. Scan the carriage. Vacant seat? Someone I can squeeze with? Nopes. Standing again, standing every day. “Please mind the gap”, the familiar voice advises me. “Passengers are requested not to sit on the seats reserved for ladies,” she carries on moralizing. I look to see if anyone’s expression changed, did anyone feel uncomfortable about sitting on the ‘seats reserved for ladies’ when she made the announcement in English and he made the announcement in Hindi? Seems not.

I find a plastic loop to hang on to. Reach into my bag and take out my newspaper. Open it carefully, mindful of the people around me. Balance my pen in my ear lobe again. Corruption. Suicide bomb. Scam. Lady Gaga. Cricket.

My hair is coming loose from its pony tail. Need to re-tie it. Will wait till I’m out, it will swish in someone’s face otherwise.

Is that his belly? Or is that his bag rubbing against my butt? It better be his bag. Is he doing it on purpose? Should I turn around and give him my stern look? Or should I try my I-will-embarrass-you look? Should I stare him into feeling uncomfortable? Then again, they don't seem to feel uncomfortable. Don't want to create a scene and attract attention…

Why can’t he turn the other way? Why can’t he face his back to me. No that’s not good either.. I wish he would stand to his side. That way we won’t rub against each other controversially.

Where’s my phone?! In the front pocket of my jeans, good. Is my wallet visible in my bag? Should not bring these open bags.. should carry my back pack so that I can zip it up safely. But a back pack doesn't look good with a kurta.. Better buy myself a jhola with a zip, this one is very easy to steal from. I pull my bag closer to my front.

Another guy looking. What? Is my button open? I try and peer at my kurta without making it obvious. Forgot my dupatta at home. Well, at least I’m not wearing a t-shirt today. Ok can you stop looking now? I pull my bag closer again. Maybe I should turn the other direction. Is he still looking? Don't want to meet his eye. Why can’t everyone just read a newspaper on the metro?

*************

So hot, want to take off my jacket. But I can’t- Wearing a sleeveless t shirt today. Brought the jacket so that I can cover up on the road and while travelling, will take it off when I reach work.

Don't want to travel in men’s compartment today. General compartment not men’s compartment. We just automatically consider the general compartment to be the men’s. I will travel in ladies’ compartment.

*************

Rummaging in my bag on the platform. Should I go to ladies’ compartment? Its further down the platform, I don't want to walk to it. I’m wearing a long kurta today, Ill be safe. I think I will travel general.

Blind man enters the carriage. Guy gives up his seat for the blind man. He did it spontaneously, nice of him, bless him. Blind man takes out a large book. “Shlokas, today I am going to recite some Shlokas for you.”

Guy in front of me has very large toes. Can’t help notice these things- in metros, elevators, anywhere where you are in close physical contact with other human beings, you must let your eyes wander anywhere but to their eyes. Never, make, eye, contact.

Guy looks for his metro card in his wallet. Another card is peeping out. Says IIT Delhi. Decent. What if he talks to me? What if I talk to him? He must be a decent guy.

Suddenly, “We are working with the concept of Braille, on laptops.. for blind people.. with this NGO.” What?! Who? Me? IIT Guy is talking to me? Uh. Oh that’s cool I said. Moment(s). Mm. You’re. You’re working with JAWS also probably… (?) “Oh yeah, JAWS also.” “Final year project” I asked. “No, working independently.”

“Next station is, Barakhamba Road. Doors will open on the…”

Should I say bye to him?

“.. right. Please mind the gap.”

Doors open on the right. I left. Didn’t say bye to IIT Guy. I minded the gap.

Did he get out with me? No. Good. How come he decided to start a conversation with me? Smart guy.. I should have said bye. Decent fellow..

*************

Delhi metro versus BMTC buses in Bangalore?

Delhi metro!

Delhi metro versus Delhi autos?

Delhi metro!

Kyunki, Delhi metro is AC and clean, and cheaper. Arm pits will be in your nose but at least they are not sweaty. No pollution or traffic jam. Don't have to fist, fight or swear. Don't have to ask bus conductor to give you your ticket and full change back. Don't have to text a friend the registration number of the auto in case of emergency. Don't have to force auto guy to go by meter and then worry if he is taking you on a longer route.

*************

Dad told me to buy a large and heavy thala and keep it in my bag at all times. So if anyone tries to act funny with me, I can swing my bag in his face or anywhere else. Dad also told me to carry chilli powder. So if anyone tries to act funny with me, I can put it in his eyes. Dad told me to not leave my hair open and always wear a dupatta. “Don't attract attention, be simple.”

A friend gave me pepper spray for my birthday.

I don't carry it with me, because I think that by the time I find the pepper spray in my jhola, I would have been raped thrice. Also, if I carry it, I will always be fidgeting with it, because it will just make me all the more nervous. I will always be worried about a shadow behind me, a footstep behind me, and I will get paranoid trying to keep my thumb on the trigger all the time!

*************

Another day, another metro. Doors open. Enter. Scan. First I scan the seats. Then I scan the stickers above the seats, to find which one is reserved. When I find it, I look at all the faces on that row and see if anyone of them looks like the kind that will give me the seat. All men. None respond. It’s like reading the rows and columns of a complicated table of figures, trying to find your value.

Even in the special "Women Only" compartment, women are often mobbed and harassed by men.

Some of them are elderly. But they’re men all the same. Do I deserve the seat more or do they? It’s a matter of weakness is it not? I may be a weak young woman, but he is old.. thus weak, and though a man, he is weaker than a weak young woman. So he gets the seat. That’s how it works.

Someone gets up. Me and another guy try and slide into the space from different ends. I get the seat but so does he. So actually I only got the edge of the seat. Now there are nine people in a row for seven.

“Please vacate seats for old, physically challenged and ladies,” said announcer aunty.

But why THAT order of infirmities? First old, then physically challenged, and after that ladies. Poor kids, forgot to add them in the string of ‘those who are of weak capacity’.

Do I want to be grouped with them?

“Please offer your seat to someone in need,” says the green sticker in the metro.

This is really the clincher of the issue. While it provides the answer, it does not provide the solution. Because how do you find who is in need or rather, who is in need more?

I’m a healthy young woman and I can stand for the thirty minute journey. But there are some days I’m carrying lots of stuff, or like last week when I was running a temperature. I considered asking a man for his seat but realized he was not sitting on the ladies’ row. So I went to the other side of the carriage and asked someone who was. But did I have to? Did I have to justify my claim to the seat that day? Did I have to go to the areas designated for my womanliness to be treated well?

*************

According to the latest report from the National Crime Records Bureau, out of the 3,43,749 crimes against women that were reported, Delhi alone accounted for 13.2 per cent.

Dharini was slapped across the chest, in the Delhi metro ladies’ compartment, earlier this year. She says we need to Mend the Gap.

Sonali from Bangalore was roughed up by cops in Bangalore for going home late. She says we have a Right to Choose.

Blank Noise wants women to be Action Heroes.

Slut Walk wants the public to know that no one can be raped, not even a slut.

Hollaback in Chandigarh is asking for women to share their stories of gender discrimination, and Must Bol says to do it zor se.

Jaagori is asking for women to awaken.

I would like the freedom to be safe.

Ladies Seat

There's a reservation of seats in BMTC buses, at least in the non AC types, which presume that men still have not received the education necessary for them to give up their seats and women still haven’t acquired the strength to be equal. The reservation is for women, and it has the prestigious location of being in the very front of the bus, starting from behind the driver and ending just short of the middle door.

This reservation is usually indicated by the presence of the word 'Ladies' (correctly spelt) in English and Kannada, or by the motif of a regular savithri, emblazoned on the steel above the seats, for those who for no fault of theirs did not have the privilege of learning to read.

The funny thing is, the number of seats reserved for women is far lesser than the non reserved seats, that are by right of way, occupied by the gentler folk in our society, the men. Funnier still, is that men are always sitting in these ladies-seats, even in the presence of standing women, who are usually clutching on for dear life to their various appendages, including hand bags, hair dos, groceries and children. Greedy little gents I say, which probably explains why they are often called 'pigs', accompanied by the expected presence of 'chauvinist'. The funniest thing for me, is that in our patriarchal society, men never consider women equal until it comes to bus-seats.

Strength and Equality Advocates send out the clarion call, for women to occupy the un-reserved seats. But this cannot happen. Even in the presence of their being an equal number of men and women in a certain bus at a given time, it means that if men have reached the un-reserved seat before a woman, they just sit there. Women are allowed to stand in the man’s very line of sight. If a man leaves at a certain stop, his place is replaced by another standing man. And women do not foray in to the un-reserved compartment such that they can slip into the seat of the departing man. They do so only in the designated front, because which woman wants to be rocking back and forth pressed up against men in a non AC bus?

If this is how our social system in BMTC buses is to work, then it would probably make sense for more seats to be reserved for women, because men can occupy them anyway, in the absence of women. Or there needs to be a section called “For Ladies and Gents”, because as much as we may pooh-pooh the idea of an unwritten rule, there certainly exists one if you don’t want your bottom pinched. While the male gaze still considers a man as another human being who paid for a ticket and wants a seat, a woman is looked at as just a woman and cannot occupy the un-reserved seats. So is the idea of a reservation of seats a regressive one in the progress of women in society? To the educated middle class gaze, it is. But to the practical Indian woman, who is still ogled at and treated badly, she pleas for protection and concession.

In today’s society of disparity, the one who is weak is asked for an un-reasonable amount of personal strength from the one who is strong, and in this demand, some will perish while others will compromise and definitely nobody will be equal.

Usually by the last stop, most people who were standing would have found seats. But if there is anybody who is still standing, it will be a woman. Even though she is in the front of the bus, plain for all to see, such that ignorance is not bliss for all the forward facing and backward thinking men, she receives no seat.

This phenomenon is seen in other areas of life as well. Little boys can accompany their mothers to the ladies's toilet until he can make susu on his own. Little girls cannot be caught dead in the gents' toilet. This could work brilliantly, if it was like the check-out counter at super markets, where those who have 3 or fewer items to bill can stand in the regular line but not vice versa.

Strength and Equality Advocates would like to tell you women today, to suck it up.

I am glad I know how to compromise today. I'm actually selfishly glad when I enter a bus and see men sitting in the seats reserved for women. Because I'm strong all right- "Ladies seat," I say with a no-nonsense scowl, to those pigs. And settle down with my breakfast and newspaper.